When I was in college, I wore 50 shades of neutral. Camel, white, black, and maybe a little bit of navy were in constant rotation. You would NEVER catch me in a lick of color—possibly baby blue to represent my college—but that was it.
I attended Spelman College in the early 2000’s and we have ALWAYS been fashionistas and trendsetters. We used to have Market Fridays which were the days that the Atlanta University Center (Clark Atlanta, Morehouse, Spelman and Morris Brown) would converge on Spelman’s campus for non-red carpeted fashion shows, dance offs, and shopping small businesses. I became an adult at the epicenter of Black fashion and chose to stick with boring neutrals.
For shame.
As an adult adult, I had brief brushes with color from time to time. The occasional pink, maybe blue, possibly yellow would make it’s way into my closet and rarely get chosen. They were the Meredith Grey’s of my closet and I wasn’t Derek Shepard.
Dear Neutrals…
Now, before people do the “there’s nothing wrong with neutrals!” you’re right, there isn’t. I love leopard print, camo, stripes—all of which are neutrals to me now. And in truth, wearing them isn’t wrong if they feel like you. But they didn’t feel like me.
I’ve been plus-size for all my life. Because of both internalized fatphobia and the way society treats bigger-bodied people, I never wanted to take up space. I didn’t feel like it was ok. I wanted to shrink myself and become an unseen wallflower as I 50 shades of beige/black/grayed my way through life. I always loved seeing women wearing these bold silhouettes and colors standing out but I was so painfully uncomfortable with being seen that I just tried my best to, well, not.
Spoiler alert: when you’re not meant to blend in, you won’t.
Oh Hello Earth Tones!
Once I really started sewing and crafting a wardrobe that I loved wearing, I opted for all the Earth tones. For me, a fall color palette was year-round. I was rocking mustard, olive, navy, rust, terra cotta, off-white all the time. It worked because I was able to create a cohesive wardrobe really easily.
While I felt like I looked really put together when I checked myself out in the mirror, I really still felt very meh about what I was wearing. I would buy these bright fabrics and say they were for my middle daughter who was dressing herself in these rather outlandish outfits. She was mixing patterns, bright colors, and her smile.
I distinctly remember her getting ready to go to a party after we moved into our new house and my husband being like “babe… you’ve got to get her to change into something else. Her outfit is so loud!” Now in my husbands defence, he hasn’t always been into fashion or color. In fact, he wore the finest of “What Not To Wear” daily prior to dating me so he’s a work in progress. I told him that she should wear what makes her happy and makes her feel beautiful. If that’s what she had on, then hey, that’s what she was wearing.
How come it’s so easy to defend others living in their truths while feeling like we have to hide ours?
I fell in love with a green Simple Modern cup
And that was it. After encouraging my daughter to dress for joy, something in me cracked and from that crack, my love for color began to shine through. It started with buying myself the brightest green Simple Modern tumbler under the guise that I will hit my water goals because I’ll always be able to see it. Then I started making things out of brighter colors, color blocking, pattern mixing and just having fun.
I remember my dad telling me that I really looked amazing in Earth tones. My dad is an artist so that meant something to me. But then I realized that dressing for someone else’s gaze and approval really didn’t bring ME joy. Wearing dull colors might look amazing on me but you know what didn’t feel amazing? Seeing my reflection in the mirror as I looked at them.
Bright chartreuse, neon green, avocado, pickle… all these greens literally spark joy in me and give me a dopamine boost when I see them. Bright pinks, deep turquoise, mysterious blues, block prints, Ankara, abstract designs, florals have me excited to see how I can pair them together differently to inspire more creativity in me.
Letting myself love green allowed me to take up space, be seen and release myself from adorning myself for the acceptance of others.
Chartreuse and fuchsia and all the colors, florals, and prints were made for you!!!
This is my reminder to make more of my own clothes. My absolute favorite color is bright teal. It's so hard to find plus-sized clothes in bright teal!